Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
