Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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