Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
