I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found puke in my bra..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
