i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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