He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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