do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like, not good at living.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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