Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
