I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
