I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
