I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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