is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
