I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
