I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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