I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize