In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
