So drunk its hurt
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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