the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
