Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
