Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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