herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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