So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
