And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
