My room smells like vodka and shame
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
