yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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