All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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