her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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