Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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