This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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