I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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