As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
