Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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