I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
