come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
