I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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