My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
