Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
