Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
