the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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