Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
