Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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