I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish I only lived at night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
