Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
