oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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