Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I looked at my own cervix.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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