shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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