her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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