Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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