i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
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I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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