Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
