clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
