ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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