We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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