I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
