I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
