Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
