gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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