I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
