We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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