I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
