apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
