i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you didnt know i had herpes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation