11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.