i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.