I can text with my tongue
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.