Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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