come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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