I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out