Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i now understand why vodka
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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