I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
