If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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