So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
