I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
