had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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